Do you wonder if you may be married to someone who is a high conflict personality and you do not know which steps to take next as you think about divorcing them? You know that with every step you take, it can either get you to the goal of finishing your divorce successfully with minimal casualties or it may take up the next several years with heartache and turmoil.
We see celebrity divorces drag on forever and their lawyers constantly saying that their client is the victim and they deserve this or that. Take, for example, Brad and Angelina. How many years have they been going through this divorce? How about Dr. Dre and his wife? She’s asking for nearly $2 million. Yes, you read it right, $2 million in MONTHLY spousal support.
It does not matter if you are the husband or the wife, the one who is requesting the divorce, or the respondent. Divorce can get pretty ugly, especially if your spouse is a high conflict personality. Depending on what you say and how you say it, things can either go really smoothly or it can go sideways super quick.
Divorce is stressful and going through a divorce requires endurance but divorcing a high conflict personality, this takes things to a whole different level. Working with the right team is essential to getting through the divorce process and having the least amount of damage, mentally, emotionally, and possibly even physically. Yes, there are physically abusive high conflict personalities and there are high conflict personalities who are not physically violent but your body may still take a toll from the stress and respond to the stress with a weakened immune system.
Working with the right divorce attorney is a given but working with a divorce coach who specializes in high conflict personalities and who is trained to work with high conflict personalities is essential! A divorce coach who has been specially trained to focus on high conflict personalities knows which warning signs to look for and what triggers to avoid when working with you in communicating with your soon-to-be-ex. They will work with you to help take you from panic and chaos to clarity and calm. And let’s be honest, there is always panic and chaos in one form or another when you live with a high conflict personality. This may be a contributing factor as to why you are choosing divorce versus staying and trying to normalize the mental stress or choosing years of couples therapy. Not only will your divorce coach figuratively hold your hand through each step you take in your divorce, they can help work with you get your mind settled enough to focus on the very next step you need to take versus you wondering about the next ten steps you may have to take and becoming paralyzed in the overwhelm of the thought.
Coach you is exactly what your divorce coach will do. They may help you with words you can use and words you should not use with your soon-to-be ex-spouse. Remember, you and your ex have developed a pattern over the years. You may not realize that the words you have used in the past, the way you approached your spouses’ personality are all part of the pattern which is no longer serving you. Your coach can help you create new patterns, help you create new ways of speaking, to responding to your spouse in order for them to respond back positively to you versus reacting negatively and then causing a downward spiral.
Your coach can help you build the endurance to the finish line. As mentioned before, the divorce process can be long and may take a lot of endurance. The strength it took to make the difficult decision to divorce may have seemed like a lot. But the strength and endurance needed to get through the divorce process and be completely done will be more. Your coach can work with you each step of the way to help you when you feel like you are done and you are ready to throw in the towel. At times it may feel like playing uncle and the last one to give in wins. Your divorce does not have to be this way. With your coach, and your divorce team, including your attorney, your divorce financial planner, and possibly others, they will guide you to make informed, rational, and sound decisions and will help you to the end goal of completing your divorce.
If you are finding yourself in a high-conflict marriage and would like to look at your options, please reach out to us at Foundation Divorce Solutions. We can work with you to build your divorce team.